they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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