Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
