He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
