I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
