I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
