she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
