you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
