Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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