just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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