Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
