At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
