hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
