we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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