i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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