how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
