Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
