I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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