I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
