Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize