Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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