And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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