I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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