i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
