Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
