you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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