You work out of a Hotel?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The best revenge is premature balding
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Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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