I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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