I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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