whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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