You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
