You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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