Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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