So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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