While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
