Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
