i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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