My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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