Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize