that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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