Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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