im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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