Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
