I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
