Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
