Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
