69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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