The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
