my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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