Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
