Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
