If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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