Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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