It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
