I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were destined to go to rehab together
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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