so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
