She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
