"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh god it's open bar.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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