have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
