Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
