After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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