Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
