Your tits are I can't wait for
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
