he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
