sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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