Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She announced her abortion via fbk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
