i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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