WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
