What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i came on her dog
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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