but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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