This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
